Blessings at this time of year abound as we gear up to spend much anticipated time with loved ones. The routines we have during the holidays are our traditions, rituals, and celebrations that we have often anticipated since we were young children ourselves. Now our children are experiencing the magical energy of these traditions and routines, and we have the privilege and joy of creating and curating those experiences for them. What a lovely role we get to play in the formation of the everlasting impression of the holiday season for our children, one they will likely carry into their adulthood and pass onto children of their own.

It is no secret that while this time of year is sacred for many reasons, it often comes with a hefty dose of burnout for parents. To help with the overwhelming nature of our many holiday routines, we can use our intention as a tool to help make (and keep) the season bright. Intention can create space for us to relax into the present moment and be joyful during the routines we hold so dear. Intentions give us a bottom line so we can focus and prioritize. Things that do not support our intention can be passed over, and our purpose becomes clear. Placing our focus on our decided intentions can reduce overwhelming moments and allow for a heightened sense of peace, presence, and power as we move through our routines.

Prioritizing our child’s needs while setting intentions during this special, yet potentially chaotic time, saves us from preventable moments of crisis. Children become easily dysregulated when there are ongoing changes happening. They need us to recognize when this dysregulation is occurring so we can offer support. Their feelings and responses during the “excitement of the holidays” are virtually guaranteed to be different from ours, so rather than moving through according to how we are feeling, we would do well to imagine how they might be feeling and pay attention to their signs of distress. If our intention is to do less so children can enjoy more, then we can prioritize their needs by seeing things from their perspective and both anticipating their struggles before they happen and preparing what is needed if/when they arise. Set your bottom line and begin with the end in mind. Focus on the feeling you want you and your children to have during the holidays. It will give perspective when planning your season, as well as when challenging moments of overwhelm take place.

Communicate and create the plan together. Children crave to be included in the happenings of their lives. This truth is highly useful when planning holiday routines and calls for clear and frequent communication from us. The goal is to bring them into the anticipation and planning so that things are not just happening to them, but they are participating in the process. When they know what to expect, they can remain grounded, more present, and ultimately they can enjoy the whole experience even more. The more joy and fun we can have as the parent during this planning time, the more magical the impression will be for our child.

• Begin to discuss and answer questions about holiday plans well in advance.
• For young children, conversations about upcoming events can take place while riding in the car, at the dinner table, during bathtime, while on a walk, or anytime we are relaxed and spending time together. They will internalize the order of the plans through discussing in detail what they will be doing, who they will see, where they will be, how they will get there, etc.
• Older children could help write family events on a physical calendar and write shopping and to-do lists together. Ask them what traditions are important to them and make a plan for when each one will happen.

Place your expectations in the realm of (your child’s) possibility. The holidays can be a series of inconsistent events, which can quickly throw children into a chaotic state internally and externally. We can strive to be sensitive to their disrupted order.

• Simplify holiday plans to allow for rest and reset in between events.
• Think ahead to what we and our children will need in order to be successful through the hustle and bustle, large family gatherings, increased travel, etc.
• Give undivided attention. We are often the most effective, grounding medicine for our struggling child. Coregulating helps them calm their bodies and emotions.
• Show sensitivity to their temperament (whether they are shy around their family members or highly active and will scarcely slow down enough to eat).
• Put structure in place to bring a semblance of normalcy.
• Plan for times and places for children to have alone time or take breaks from activity and family.
• Keep their blood sugar stable by having plenty of fresh fruit handy.
• Place connection with them above all else. Allow enjoyment of the process to reign over any desired outcome.

The environment is our best assistant. Whether we are staying home or traveling, our environment is a most useful tool in creating successful holiday routines.

At Home:

• Rotate books and toys to match the season and celebrations.
• Give children space to create things.
• Set up points where they can care for themselves (i.e. clearing the table to a low bin for dishes, watering plants, using a broom, sorting & folding laundry), as well as activities they can do on their own.
• Family activities are also wonderful additions during this time of year, and inviting children to participate in the “grown up” parts of holidays is a beautiful way to create life-long memories.

If Traveling:

• Arrange the space so children can be as independent as possible.
• Help them reach the toilet and sink, give them an accessible place for their clothes and outerwear, prepare the space where they will be sleeping and place their valuables nearby.
• See if there is space to create a quiet activity spot where children can take a break or do an activity when they want or need to.
• Even infants can be introduced to a new space by having a tour and learning where everything is.

Intentionally entering holiday routines with children’s needs in mind can pave the way for joyful time spent together. We can always strive to offer the magic and meaning of this time of year to our young people in ways that allow them to feel secure and valued.

The AMS Course for Families

Aubrey Wallen, the author of this article, is one of the facilitators for the AMS Early Childhood parenting course along with Martha M. Teien, a Montessori school director and lead guide. This 6-week course combines live, online sessions and self-guided study and is designed for families interested in incorporating the Montessori philosophy into their day-to-day lives.

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About the Author

Aubrey Wallen, MEd, is a parent educator and consultant in Cincinnati, OH, where she helps families cultivate their children’s independence at home through Montessori principles, with a strong focus on the home environment. She is AMS credentialed in Elementary I, as well as IMC credentialed in Infant/Toddler. Contact her at aubreyellen@gmail.com.

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The opinions expressed in Montessori Life are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the position of AMS.