When Calm Becomes Contagious: The Emotional Blueprint We Give Children

00:00:03:00 – 00:00:09:04

Nicole

Welcome to Educating the Human Potential. The podcast about optimizing education for better society.

 

00:00:09:05 – 00:00:11:00

Biff

Through a montessori lens.

 

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Nicole

I’m Nicole Coman.

 

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Biff

And I’m Biff Maier

 

00:00:13:19 – 00:00:40:13

Nicole

And in this episode we’re going to be talking about, you know, I think we spend a lot of time talking about children or educational philosophies, but today we’re going to talk about adults and the way adults behave. One of my biggest focuses when I worked in schools was teaching teachers how to demonstrate and teach children about emotional regulation.

 

00:00:40:19 – 00:01:08:21

Nicole

But I happen to think that emotional regulation and teaching emotional regulation starts with the adult being able to demonstrate appropriate emotional regulation. I think we can both agree as parents and teachers, sometimes we get upset. We I was I was going to say a bad word. So I had to think about. But you know, we lose it and we have to regroup pretty quickly.

 

00:01:08:21 – 00:01:35:15

Nicole

And and I want to be clear before we kind of get into the to the nitty gritty of this, of this conversation is we’re all human. And we can certainly demonstrate that we’re upset or sad or frustrated. I mean, if we didn’t do that, then we wouldn’t be human. But it’s about showing that children, if they’re feeling that way, how to regroup and regulate.

 

00:01:35:15 – 00:01:43:16

Nicole

And so let’s I thought we could talk about that today. I thought there was a little bit to discuss and maybe that it might relate to our audience.

 

00:01:43:19 – 00:01:46:05

Biff

Yeah, I think that’s a great topic.

 

00:01:46:05 – 00:02:09:08

Nicole

When I think about children, I think about them as sponges and certainly sensory sponges. And so I was doing a little bit of research and kind of how we can present this to our community and our listeners. And I read this whole article about as adults were emotional thermostats. What do you think that means when you hear that?

 

00:02:09:09 – 00:02:13:08

Nicole

Because I didn’t think I didn’t think it meant what it what I read it meant.

 

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Biff

Oh, this is a test.

 

00:02:14:21 – 00:02:15:14

Nicole

It’s a little bit.

 

00:02:15:14 – 00:02:47:13

Biff

Of test. I mean, it seems to me like it means that students are are gauging the state of things by the emotional condition of the adults. You know, if the adults seem anxious, they should see they should be anxious. If the adults are worried, they should be worried. If adults are scared, they should be scared. If adults are feeling calm and comfortable, there’s no reason for them to be anything but calm and comfortable.

 

00:02:47:14 – 00:02:48:11

Biff

Sure.

 

00:02:48:13 – 00:03:08:07

Nicole

That’s right. Well, and also with that, it’s not only if you see an adult being anxious and you should be anxious, but seeing how the adult deals with that emotion is really kind of what what I’m what I’m talking about. And so the thermostat, the metaphor here is it’s setting the scene in the room and setting the temperature in the room.

 

00:03:08:07 – 00:03:33:01

Nicole

So if you get upset and you’re flipping out and it continues on and on and on and you’re not able to regulate, everyone in your environment is taking that in and especially and going back to the idea about sponges, especially the children observing you in that state. And listen, I will tell you and my children probably should be on the show to to say, you know, in those moments, sometimes you, you see red and you can’t think straight.

 

00:03:33:02 – 00:03:58:07

Nicole

And so again, we’re all human, but it’s I think it’s important for teachers and parents and any adult to know that they’re constantly observing us and taking that in. And so they don’t just watch our emotions, they absorb them. And so I think, you know, if anything, you know, anyone, any of our listeners get out of this conversation or listening to this episode, is that is that we should just be aware.

 

00:03:58:12 – 00:04:05:12

Nicole

And while maybe we’re feeling an emotion, we can express an emotion. But what we do next is what matters, right?

 

00:04:05:13 – 00:04:34:07

Biff

And I think there are tools to help us with that. Right. So step one is to recognize the way you’re feeling, I guess. And then step two is to make a mature decision about what you’re going to do with that. And sometimes that means I have to make myself scarce. You know, I am in no condition right now to be in the presence of children who are watching me.

 

00:04:34:07 – 00:04:43:02

Biff

I need to go and calm down and then come back when I when you know, when I can be with kids.

 

00:04:43:03 – 00:05:09:16

Nicole

Absolutely. And I think it’s also okay to even say that to a kid that might be in front of you is like, you know, I just I got very frustrated. I need to take a breath before I move on. So I’m going to go outside, take a breath, and then I’m going to come back in here and deal with the problem or the situation or whatever it might be, but demonstrating that shows some sort of regulation, even though you might still be hot in that moment, it’s just demonstrating healthy coping mechanisms.

 

00:05:09:17 – 00:05:30:19

Biff

Yeah, not only is it honest, it’s also, as you say, you’re you’re saying when you feel like this, it might be a good idea for you to take a break and, you know, and then the next step, I guess when you do go somewhere else or whatever, is to figure out what you’re going to do to help yourself calm down.

 

00:05:30:19 – 00:06:03:10

Biff

And there are, you know, an infinite number of different kinds of strategies that some different people use. And I think that’s the other thing that I think we try to do is give this broad range of possibilities. Some people, some people need to exercise, some people need to just go into their heads and they need to read. Some people, you know, different people do different things in order to get back to a there, I don’t know, level state based state, whatever you call.

 

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Biff

Yeah.

 

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Nicole

Yeah. Homeostasis.

 

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Biff

Okay, fine.

 

00:06:07:14 – 00:06:38:13

Nicole

There it is. I had to think about it too. Another thing. So when I worked in schools as a school psychologist, I often had to come in, as you know, triage sometimes when there was a bit of a situation and it was out of control and the teacher might have needed assistance. And one thing I always reminded students, and to this day, I remind myself, is I can’t solve a problem if I am angry or frustrated or overwhelmed.

 

00:06:38:13 – 00:06:57:06

Nicole

I need to calm myself down before I can think straight and approach the problem in a way that I feel that it represents who I am. Because if you jump right into the next thing, you might not again be thinking straight. You’re not might not behave the way that you would like to behave. And then later there’s those regrets and whatnot.

 

00:06:57:06 – 00:07:22:00

Nicole

So I think also demonstrating that modeling that you need to get yourself calm into that homeostasis state before you can even approach something else. And so sometimes, you know, when I’m in that situation, because students look at me like I have three heads, what does that mean? How do I even do that? And there are some methods that I use, some, you know, quick little cute visualization methods that are helpful.

 

00:07:22:00 – 00:07:41:13

Nicole

And I thought maybe we can go over them today because. Cool. Again, as an adult I use them. So maybe this might be helpful to somebody else in addition to the children. So we’re talking about calming down. So one method I use is a method I call cookies and candles. Have you heard this.

 

00:07:41:13 – 00:07:43:00

Biff

Method I have not.

 

00:07:43:01 – 00:08:18:03

Nicole

Okay great. So I set the stage here and I want we’ll do this in real time. If you’re really angry about something and you need to call. Yes, clearly. And we want to calm down. So I want you to imagine you’re in your kitchen and someone maybe you is cooking, baking the most amazing smelling cookies ever. I think we all can think or visualize in that moment where you’ve walked into your kitchen and you smell these cookies baking in the oven, and you can’t wait to eat them because they smell so delicious.

 

00:08:18:03 – 00:08:30:10

Nicole

So can you. Can you think about that? Yep. Got it. You’re there. Great. And at the same time, I think I want you to think about a candle. A candle right in front of you. Lit. Okay.

 

00:08:30:11 – 00:08:31:14

Biff

Okay.

 

00:08:31:16 – 00:08:59:14

Nicole

So this is to enhance breathing a breathing strategy. So I want you to visualize or actually act out. Excuse me. Breathing in those cookies through your nose. So. And then blowing out that candle right in front of you. So again what that gives the child and the adult. Because again, we, we need similar strategies. Is that visualization. And you work on that.

 

00:08:59:14 – 00:09:19:14

Nicole

So you’re smelling in your inhaling the cookies and then you’re blowing out that candle. And sometimes you have to do that several times to get the candle out. So you need to inhale to be able to blow out. And so what that is is showing a good breathing mechanism or breathing coping strategy. And oftentimes that decreases your heart rate kind of gets you back to that regulated state.

 

00:09:19:16 – 00:09:23:05

Nicole

I use it a lot and I encourage you to use it.

 

00:09:23:05 – 00:09:51:00

Biff

As well. You know, what I love about that is the metaphor, you know, because I think, you know, if you’d say if you if you tell a child, for example, you should go calm down and breathe. Right. You know, they may do it and they may also think, don’t tell me what to do. But if if you have this sort of, I don’t know what to call it, you have the signal word.

 

00:09:51:00 – 00:10:10:02

Biff

You just say cookies and candles. Yeah, yeah, cookies and Kendall. Then it brings that back. They have something that they have a strategy. They have to smell the cookie, which means they have to. They have to shift what their mind is thinking about in order to remember the smell.

 

00:10:10:04 – 00:10:10:12

Nicole

Yep.

 

00:10:10:13 – 00:10:12:10

Biff

And like.

 

00:10:12:12 – 00:10:24:01

Nicole

I don’t think you. But also I didn’t come up with it. But but it also gives that visualization because much sheer point right now you can’t just say go breathe in a corner and come back when you’re calm, right?

 

00:10:24:03 – 00:10:24:20

Biff

Yeah.

 

00:10:24:23 – 00:10:45:10

Nicole

That’s good. A child doesn’t know what to do with that. And sometimes adults are like, I mean, adult, I can handle this myself, right? So I think, again, having that visualization kind of gives you some structure in that breathing strategy and allows you to calm down in that way. And then you can approach the situation looking forward. Do you have any of those?

 

00:10:45:10 – 00:10:48:15

Nicole

Have you used any of those kind of strategies in school?

 

00:10:48:17 – 00:10:50:17

Biff

I’m never upset. So I.

 

00:10:50:18 – 00:10:56:11

Nicole

Oh, well, I will tell our listeners, I have never seen you upset, so that might be true.

 

00:10:56:13 – 00:11:24:00

Biff

No, I mean, there are a bunch of things that we the that I mean, I, I use the strategies that kids use. There are times when I, I’ve what I really wanted to do was go into one of the children’s house classrooms, sit down at a little table on a chair, and just pour rice from one thing into another, because that would bring things down.

 

00:11:24:02 – 00:11:30:03

Biff

Yeah. And I think they would they might look at me and say, oh, it’s doing some work, you know.

 

00:11:30:04 – 00:11:34:07

Nicole

Or, or you could use that. You can turn that into a strategy for them. Right.

 

00:11:34:08 – 00:11:34:14

Biff

That’s.

 

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Nicole

Yeah.

 

00:11:35:05 – 00:12:07:03

Biff

Yeah. I you know, one of the things I want you to tell us more strategies because these are great. But I also wonder there are adults that I’ve known, some of them teachers who, when they emote loudly or, you know, something like that. And I wish they had used a different strategy. Gone and done some cookies and candle or something.

 

00:12:07:05 – 00:12:30:15

Biff

And if I mentioned that to them, they say it’s just who I am. You know, and I and I, what I want to do in that, in that moment is to promote the idea of a growth mindset. You know that. Yeah. That’s who that’s who you are now. But it you know, it’s not who you want to be.

 

00:12:30:17 – 00:13:11:05

Nicole

Yeah. Or or that’s not how you handle this. I mean because again we if we didn’t express emotions then we again wouldn’t be human. And so I think with this growth mindset to your point, we can again label it and say, I don’t know, like this moment feels really stressful, but I can handle it. I need to take a break and I will be back and showing that you have that control, even though it seems in that moment before maybe two seconds before you were not in control, but labeling it and telling the child and demonstrating that I can handle this, demonstrate that that anyone can regulate.

 

00:13:11:06 – 00:13:13:03

Nicole

Yeah. If they try. Right.

 

00:13:13:04 – 00:13:13:18

Biff

Yeah. I think it’s.

 

00:13:13:22 – 00:13:15:07

Nicole

Some easier than others.

 

00:13:15:08 – 00:13:37:13

Biff

I think it’s helpful to, to build the vocabulary. Yeah. You know, so that that’s a variety of words to describe how they feel. You know, they can actually go look at a list of words and choose the one. Are you furious? Are you. You know, so they’re not just because most especially males I think are either mad, sad or glad.

 

00:13:37:19 – 00:13:38:06

Biff

Yeah.

 

00:13:38:12 – 00:14:01:18

Nicole

So perhaps. But I love that you brought that up because that was my next point is oftentimes in schools we have to explicitly teach children, you know, words to label what they’re feeling, because sometimes they don’t know how they’re feeling. They know they don’t feel good. They know that this isn’t how I normally feel, but I don’t know how to tell the other person I’m feeling this way.

 

00:14:01:19 – 00:14:26:08

Nicole

So in schools, we often have to teach that to children, but also adults. Some, you know, again, I will say sometimes I’m feeling some sort of way and I’m certainly not going up to you, Beth, and saying, I’m really frustrated with you. I should probably, but I we keep it in because we don’t want to start any kind of, you know, extra drama or, you know, situation.

 

00:14:26:08 – 00:14:42:20

Nicole

But again, I think if a child is watching you and watching you regulate labeling how you’re feeling about a situation and showing that you are going to be okay, you’re safe, you can handle it goes a very long way.

 

00:14:42:21 – 00:14:52:09

Biff

Yeah, yeah. You’re describing this is my state now, and now I’m going to do something about it. So and I’ll describe a different state once I’ve done that.

 

00:14:52:10 – 00:15:09:03

Nicole

Yeah. Right. But also you know, I’m going to be honest, sometimes I hate these little like cutesy things because that’s not realistic, right? You know, I want it to be natural. I don’t want it to be stilted. I don’t want it to be.

 

00:15:09:05 – 00:15:29:17

Nicole

Prescribed. You know, this is. You have to come up. Excuse me? You have to come up with what works best for you and your personality. But again, finding a way to make it natural and very you and showing that you can handle it and you can regulate and it’s important to regulate before you move on is really the lesson at hand.

 

00:15:29:18 – 00:15:33:05

Biff

Yeah. So give us another trick or another strategy.

 

00:15:33:06 – 00:15:57:15

Nicole

Well, so another one I don’t see many. I mean I don’t see many adults maybe using my cookies and candles, but we do breathing. So I guess it’s not out of the ordinary, but one that I use in schools is this butterfly hold, where you basically cross your arms across your chest and tap each shoulder gently, but you go left, you go right, left, right.

 

00:15:57:15 – 00:16:19:06

Nicole

And again you the idea is you’re focusing on the movement and kind of alternating between left and right, and also kind of giving yourself that pressure, maybe that a hug because, you know, we’re all different and we all kind of respond differently. But sometimes we we, you know, individuals thrive on that pressure and that input, that physical input.

 

00:16:19:06 – 00:16:38:11

Nicole

So again, it gives you that opportunity to do that for yourself, but also then kind of focus on something else to calm your your mind before you can move on to the next one. So that one I don’t use as often, but it is a good one, especially for those kiddos and adults that really crave that physical input.

 

00:16:38:13 – 00:16:45:17

Biff

Because does the fact that they’re sort of crossing the midline have any impact on on the way they feel?

 

00:16:45:23 – 00:16:56:13

Nicole

I don’t know, but it seems like that would be contributing to to the their ability to calm down. I would think. But again, it’s just it’s redirecting the focus.

 

00:16:56:14 – 00:16:56:23

Biff

Yeah.

 

00:16:57:00 – 00:17:20:21

Nicole

From what’s happening so you can calm your body, much like the cookies and candles, you’re redirecting your focus to the cookie cookies and the candles. So again, not focusing on how mad you are about what just happened or frustrated or whatever it is, redirecting focus, calming, and then reentering into the situation is really the idea behind some of these strategies.

 

00:17:20:21 – 00:17:45:14

Nicole

Because again, we don’t want to teach, you know, we don’t want to teach our children that we’re going to just dismiss it. It’s going to go away. We’re not going to deal with it because that’s often, you know, a strategy that adults use. You know, again, myself, I think I’ve done that many times where I just need to move on and redirect their attention and not address what just happened and that they observed.

 

00:17:45:14 – 00:18:10:16

Nicole

And so what happens there is the child then wonders, wait, I just saw my teacher so mad and all of a sudden now they’re just over there, you know, on to something else. What happened there? Because they they weren’t just mad. They were mad. So it again teaches the child, you know, you’re not dismissing the feeling it was real.

 

00:18:10:16 – 00:18:24:14

Nicole

It was there. You’re deal. You dealt with it and now you can move on. Yeah. And again it doesn’t have to be theatrical. It doesn’t have to be unnatural. It just has to. You have to acknowledge the feeling. And I think that’s really healthy.

 

00:18:24:16 – 00:18:31:13

Biff

Yeah. Gives them the passage from point A to point. See that B isn’t just magic.

 

00:18:31:15 – 00:18:59:03

Nicole

That’s right, that’s right. So again I kind of mentioned this earlier. But you know adult regulation matters so much. Again thinking about, you know, this whole idea of course nature versus nurture. Right. Nature is you know, we’re born with it. It’s genetically we’re predisposed to it. Nurture is what we’re absorbing from our environment, what we’re seeing, what we’re feeling, what we’re experiencing.

 

00:18:59:03 – 00:19:27:02

Nicole

And so if a child at a very young age is in an environment where it’s chaotic and contentious and no one is regulating or no one is showing any, you know, how helpful coping strategies then that causes? I mean, that’s difficult for a child to then, you know, when he or she goes to school to be a regulated individual because they’ve never observed anything beyond that.

 

00:19:27:02 – 00:19:49:05

Nicole

And I’m not just talking about very young children, certainly that is, you know, really an a significant point in, you know, a child in the child’s development. But it goes on throughout high school and young adulthood. You know, still, we all, you know, if we’re lucky enough to still have our parents around, we still look to our parents for guidance because they are elders.

 

00:19:49:05 – 00:20:13:14

Nicole

They are more experience than us. And certainly if if they’re not able to regulate, I can’t imagine how we can expect a child to. So imagine you might have had children at school that maybe, perhaps came from a chaotic environment, or observed something maybe traumatic, in which then they were they’re not able to regulate emotions appropriately in the classroom.

 

00:20:13:14 – 00:20:21:11

Nicole

And so what how how have you and your, your staff and your administration dealt with that for parents and students?

 

00:20:21:12 – 00:20:55:10

Biff

Well, I think for young children, the strategies that you’ve you’ve described are the go to, you know, we we try to focus on, you know, you’re managing your feelings. You know, you. Because if they come with a story then, you know, we redirect it to them. So but how does that make you feel. And do you want to talk about it or would you like to you know, what would make you feel better?

 

00:20:55:11 – 00:21:27:14

Biff

You know, for a young child, the you know, it’s interesting, I think with older kids, I’d never thought about this before, but it seems to me like parents are actually or adults generally tend to be less emotive with older kids than they are with younger kids. We feel more free to express ourselves, maybe because we assume that once kids are old enough, they’re judging us, you know?

 

00:21:27:15 – 00:21:56:18

Biff

And so and so at that point, they’re sort of emotional peers. And so we stuff it, you know, we don’t we don’t often use the kinds of techniques or the or express honestly, you know, the vulnerability to, to be emotive and unconsciously. We’re teaching these young adults to do the same thing.

 

00:21:56:20 – 00:22:22:11

Nicole

Yeah, I think a lot of people equate being emotive with being weak. Yeah. And, and and it’s not a universal thought, but it’s just, it’s, you know, some people just that’s how they operate. I cannot show emotion because if I do that, that demonstrates weakness. This person will not respect me. But again, we have such young children observing us, watching us, modeling us.

 

00:22:22:11 – 00:22:44:18

Nicole

And, you know, I was thinking as you were speaking right now when I asked you the question about schools. I mean, not to put pressure on adults, you know, because but it is a big job that we have to model appropriate behavior. And again, I, you know, I want to say and I’ve said this to families in my practice, you know, sometimes they’ll say, oh my God, I totally screwed up my kid.

 

00:22:44:18 – 00:23:07:13

Nicole

Because the way that I reacted to this thing and now they’re doomed. They’re just going to be, you know, a a psychopath, you know, moving on. And that’s not how it works. I think it’s consistency. I think it’s across time. I think it’s you know what to expect. Certainly we’re going to, you know, blow the handle off every once in a while if there’s something stressful.

 

00:23:07:15 – 00:23:26:01

Nicole

But I don’t want to put that pressure on adults. I just I think the idea behind this episode is just for awareness, because I think the more that we’re kind of like, oh, I really need, I have young minds watching me, and I should really demonstrate a different approach or handle this differently.

 

00:23:26:01 – 00:23:50:15

Biff

And if we don’t, then we have to demonstrate the honesty to own what? Own how we did express ourselves and talk about it. Because, I mean, I think, you know, just being transparent about the way we feel and how we handled it and how we want to handle it in the future, that kind of stuff makes makes a really big difference to.

 

00:23:50:17 – 00:24:10:17

Biff

Yeah. On the one hand, I think what we’re saying is we want parents to have the permission to be honest about their feelings and to and to be responsible enough to develop strategies to manage those feelings. Right.

 

00:24:10:19 – 00:24:15:10

Biff

I also think that.

 

00:24:15:12 – 00:24:27:20

Biff

It’s reasonable to ask a teacher to take stock of where they what their state of mind is as they’re walking into a classroom, you know?

 

00:24:27:22 – 00:24:30:01

Nicole

Oh, boy. And this is a good one.

 

00:24:30:01 – 00:24:38:18

Biff

And, you know, if they’re upset, do what they need to do to leave it at the door so that they’re not bringing.

 

00:24:38:20 – 00:24:39:18

Nicole

That energy.

 

00:24:39:18 – 00:24:41:18

Biff

That energy into a classroom.

 

00:24:41:19 – 00:25:14:20

Nicole

That is a really good point. And again, having worked in schools, I was a school administrator. I’ve oftentimes had to take teachers, adults aside as they’re coming in hot. They’ve had a terrible morning. A million things happened in that, oh, traffic and you’ve got a flat tire. And I couldn’t find the shoe, I don’t know. But and they walk in hot and I’ve had to pull teachers aside and say, I will go cover your class or I will find someone to cover your class, but you need to take a minute and regulate.

 

00:25:14:21 – 00:25:35:01

Nicole

Get yourself right. Here are a few strategies. Whatever you need to do and when you’re ready to enter into the classroom, because that is a big role that you’re playing. Because if you come in there, hot kids are so observant. They they, they recognize these sort of situations. Even if they can’t label it right, they know something’s wrong with Mrs. Smith.

 

00:25:35:01 – 00:25:38:00

Nicole

And so.

 

00:25:38:01 – 00:26:11:12

Nicole

Giving you know, sometimes and this is a this is a really good point. But if as sometimes as adults we kind of have to remind each other it. Right. Because again, if we’re just having a really crappy day and we’re walking into work and it’s clear that people, you know, our colleagues can see that we kind of have that, especially in schools, for example, we have that responsibility to be able to pull our colleague side and say, I can see you’re having a bad morning, I get it, I will fill in for you, but just go regulate, get yourself right and come back.

 

00:26:11:12 – 00:26:25:17

Nicole

And so sometimes we need to help each other because again, if you’re having a really bad morning, you’re seeing red. Maybe you’re not thinking straight and maybe you need a little bit of a like a little bit of a push to be able to get into that regulated state.

 

00:26:25:19 – 00:26:52:18

Biff

Yeah. I mean, I really feel for people that don’t have somebody who can step in because sometimes you’re in a position, whether you’re an art teacher alone in a room or whether you’re a single parent, you don’t have someone who can readily, you know, tap you, you know, tap in for you. That’s right. For the for people in a situation like that, it’s all the more important to develop some strategies.

 

00:26:52:20 – 00:27:14:12

Nicole

Find that person that can help you calm down in those situations. It doesn’t have to be someone older than you. It doesn’t have to be your parent. It just has to be another person that can just help you recognize in that moment that you need some support, and you need to be reminded that you’re about to enter a room full of young children that are going to totally call you out or see it.

 

00:27:14:14 – 00:27:40:12

Nicole

And finally, before we wrap up this conversation, but you know, the other reason I thought that this might be an interesting episode for our listeners is, and I think I’ve said this in other episodes too, is parents, teachers, adults sometimes need to hear what to do, like they want to be told. So, for example, what do I do if I’m so mad and I if my kids and I can’t leave and what do I do?

 

00:27:40:12 – 00:27:58:23

Nicole

And so I thought today, you know, being able to talk about these strategies or, or just make you front of mine and aware that your, your behavior is constantly being absorbed and watched and perhaps modeled is just maybe a good PSA in a way. What do you think?

 

00:27:59:00 – 00:28:04:15

Biff

Absolutely. Yeah. No, this is a it’s an important conversation to have, I think.

 

00:28:04:17 – 00:28:29:00

Nicole

To wrap this up, I think, I think take home message is that we don’t need to be perfectly calm all the time, but we just need to be calm enough to handle the situation, to be able if we didn’t handle the situation okay, to be able to label it and explain what’s happening and demonstrate and model how to handle it.

 

00:28:29:01 – 00:28:52:15

Nicole

If it happens to you or to you or to you, especially with the children. And every time we regulate ourselves, we give our children a blueprint of what to do if they’ve ever approached that themselves. And so I just like that a reminder. It’s a it’s a reminder for myself. I as much as I’m, you know, we’re hosting this podcast, you and I, we are not experts in this.

 

00:28:52:16 – 00:29:05:19

Nicole

We are certainly human. And we’ve had to remind ourselves of it as well. So I just thought it was a nice, helpful reminder for any adult working with children is that they’re always watching and we really make a big difference in their lives.

 

00:29:05:20 – 00:29:32:01

Biff

Yeah, I have one other way that might help people remember it. I remember a time when I was really upset about a behavior that a child was doing, and I was talking to a colleague and they said, well, the thing is that somebody in this room has to be the grown up, and it’s unlikely that it’s going to be the child.

 

00:29:32:06 – 00:29:34:18

Nicole

Sure. Sometimes it is. Those are not funny.

 

00:29:34:18 – 00:29:43:19

Biff

Well, but I thought, you know, to remember what we have to remember is that we are the grown up in the room, you know. Right, right.

 

00:29:43:20 – 00:30:02:16

Nicole

And and, you know, in the title of this podcast and is, is when calm becomes contagious. And so we want the calm that we practice to be contagious. Contagious not just to children, maybe to other adults, so we can learn from each other and say, wow, Biff really handled that well when he was really pissed off over there.

 

00:30:02:17 – 00:30:06:20

Nicole

So again, we want our calm to be contagious.

 

00:30:06:22 – 00:30:08:00

Biff

Nice.

 

00:30:08:02 – 00:30:12:06

Nicole

And with that, thank you for joining us today. Until our next conversation.

 

00:30:12:06 – 00:30:17:01

Biff

I’m looking forward to the next conversation. And in the meantime I will be calm.

 

00:30:17:02 – 00:30:20:03

Nicole

Everyone be calm.

 

00:30:20:05 – 00:30:25:08

Biff

Well, I’m loving these conversations and I’m hoping that you all are enjoying these as much as we are.

 

00:30:25:09 – 00:30:31:20

Nicole

And if so, please reach out to us. Follow the show on whatever streaming service you use and leave us a comment.

 

00:30:31:21 – 00:30:32:20

 

We want to hear from you.

 

00:30:32:21 – 00:30:34:00

Nicole

Yeah, we love the feedback.

 

00:30:34:00 – 00:30:37:00

Biff

And I’m looking forward to the next conversation together.

 

00:30:37:01 – 00:30:46:01

Nicole

As am I.

 

00:30:46:03 – 00:30:58:11

Biff

This podcast is produced by AMS, the American Montessori Society. However, the views that are expressed belong to us and to those of our guests. They do not represent those of the American society.